FREAKING JOB SEARCH!

Alright. I'm beginning to wonder if my responses to job posting are getting lost in cyber space. In the past few weeks, I've probably responded to 100 job postings and only heard back from one, and it was a no (but at least it was a response!). I've practically invaded Craigslist's privacy because I stalk it every 5 minutes. Not only do I use Craigslist, but I also use countless job recruiting websites and reply to those posts as well. I THINK EVERY EMPLOYER ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH HAS KEELED OVER AND DIED IMMEDIATELY AFTER POSTING THEIR JOB AD. The funny thing is, I stay pretty busy with my internship 3 days a week, so it feels like I have a job and am not sitting at home knitting my life away.. but I do not bring home any bacon, or even a bacon bit for crying out loud! I totally agreed upon the fact that I would not get paid for my internship, so I am not complaining on that end.. however, Jake and I did not plan on our incomes being annihilated by "the man". For a while, I had a part time job.. but then it got reduced to sliver time.. so in turn, I quit. Now, I'm trying to find another job, whether it be full or part time.. but it is like finding a needle in a haystack. No wait, I can FIND the needle, but when I want to pull it out it weighs like 500 tons... therefore I cannot remove it, AND I get pricked in the process.. pfft. The same goes for my husband.. I'm not going to go too much into what he's going through because this is not his blog, and I don't want to post what I believe to be his thoughts and/or feelings. But I will say this... after working his BUTT off completing a four year degree from a prestigious college, he gets treated like a high school drop out in the career world. As many know, he is super passionate about law enforcement, but they have SUCKED at making his dream come true... so he moves on to other things hoping to be successful BEING THAT HE WENT TO COLLEGE AND ALL. I could go on and on about that... because it boggles my mind that people who never went to college make millions of dollars doing nim-whit things.

ANNNYYYYWAY. Now that I've got that out. I'm praying that the right job comes along at the right time AKA soon because I would do DANG GOOD JOB for ANY company.. and they are IDIOTS to not hire me. THE END.

Relaxing night/Good music

Hello all. I am currently lounging in my kitchen listening to one of my friends singing on the local radio station. Her voice is like harmonious bells ringing in my ear, beautiful. She is singing her last song, so I am upset about that. However, I will continue to venture on YouTube to find the indie, guitar/piano, melodic, electronic type music that I am feeling right now. Here is a song that I heard tonight that is wonderful:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UhwRXqlrFE
Lovin this style!!! It reminds me of a few songs on the Twilight: Eclipse soundtrack... good stuff.

On another note, as I was getting ready for work this morning, I decided to play some Hillsong United music on YouTube. Their music is out of this world, they take worshiping Jesus to a whole new level. But I got to thinking, I suck so bad at my walk with God. Yet, His love pours out on me so abundantly that my being almost can't contain it. Imagine yourself, being/doing everything for someone, and they may not talk to you for an entire day.. or two. How would you feel? How would you react? How could you keep on loving them? I would not be able to, I would need praise, thanks and attention. But God keeps giving, keeps loving, keeps providing...ect, ect. I am wretched, neglectful and ungrateful most of the time. I am nothing. HE IS EVERYTHING. That is all that keeps me alive.. breathing.. sane.. together. I need to have Him on my mind constantly, because that is what will make me whole and be able to portray that love on others. Now that I know what love truly IS, I can love others, with His example. Unbelievers do not have this love, do not know this love, do not FEEL this love, I do not know how they can truly love their spouse, parents, strangers, sinners, saints. I can barely do it without His help, I could not imagine.

Next thought: I come across some married women who do not know love for their husband, they think they do.. but if they only knew how apparent it is to me in their actions and words... poor husbands, poor marriage. I truly ache for these people because I could not imagine going a day without looking at my husband and not directly reflecting my thoughts to God. He is the one who brought such polar opposites together to be so intertwined, that it pains them to be apart. He made it so when I make dinner, do laundry, clean the house.. I do it for my husband, although he does not care nor ask, I do these things with him as my motivation, to please him, serve him, love him as He loves us. Without the direct line of mercy, grace and love from Jesus Christ, I have no model, no blueprint on how to be a Godly, loving, understanding, merciful, attentive (...list goes on.....) wife. Sometimes I am selfish, neglectful, and harsh towards my one and only... but the Holy Spirit always reminds me.. ever so quietly.. that love is patient, love is kind (.. you know the rest.. ) Therefore, how can one who doesn't know Jesus truly, DEEPLY, love their spouse? I understand people can be in love whether they believe in God or not.. that is not the point I am making. However, can you AGAPE (selfless love) someone without Christ's example? No. For it is impossible, for WE love, because He FIRST loved us. It really pains me to hear wives say "I'm spending this money, my husband won't find out!", "I enjoy other forms of sexual intimacy more than sex with my husband", "I like to have space from my husband.. a lot", ect, ect, ect. The relationship one has with their spouse should be the most intimate, no bounds, exclusive, passionate, intertwined relationship you have on this earth, falling second behind your relationship with your Creator. You should be able to be stripped away to nothing in front of them (I don't mean just clothes :P), tell them every thought, emotion, and fear you have, rely on them for everything you can't do, emotionally or physically. If God truly designed you to be married, he will be what you're not, and she will be what he's not, it literally is "a match made in heaven". When you are weak, he will be strong. When he is stressed, you will be a wave of calm. This is only possible by having a direct line of communication with the One who designed you for each other.

By the way, I am teaching myself a thing or two by writing this. I always feel and know this in my head, but I don't always play it out, and I will never get it right 100% of the time. I will fail, he will fail. We will fail each other and fail ourselves. But Jesus NEVER will.

Hope this spoke to you in some shape or form.

Until next time,

Love Him.. and him <3

xo Jessica

OH HOW I'VE NEGLECTED THEE!

Sorry I've been so MIA, not that anyone reads this nonsense. It's not like two posts constitutes as literature :/ ANYWHO. I've been going through some shopaholic-ism (?) lately, however, since I'm not made of money, I can't act upon it, oh the beauty! I recently watched "Confessions of a Shopaholic" for the millionth time, and it never fails; every time it's over I want to apply for 10 credit cards and max out every one!! It's horrible! The good news is, that will never happen. If I were single though, I wouldn't be so sure. What are husbands for, right? Financial babysitting, but I'm not saying it like it's a bad thing!
Here is a list of things I'm dying to have (which will most likely never happen)
Louis Vuitton Speedy 35
Christian Loubitin nude pumps
Tiffany Key necklace
Gucci bag
Channel bag
..... need I go on?!
Hahaha, well, for now I'm sticking to Target and Old Navy - those are my luxuries and I'm completely content with that :)

Until next time, au'revior!

xo me

SOOOO EXCITED!!!

hey everyone!! so my bff comes up from florida tomorrow and we are going to have a girls weekend in charlotte, nc. it's gunna be the bombbbbbb! we got a hotel and I CANNOT WAIT!!! i have saved a little money and i'm gunna shop like crazy!!! I'll definitely make a video on my youtube channel about all that i bought. it's gunna be off the HIZOOK. hahaha, i hope youtube lets me upload videos soon, i miss putting videos up!!!! i'm also trying to upload a pic on this profile but that won't let me either, so i'm going to put a pic up on this post of my hair... i cut it about a month ago, and had it colored all over to a darker brown. hope ya like it!!

xo Jessica

Hello and Welcome!!

Hello everyone!!! Yes, I decided to get a blog! I feel that on my youtube channel, I can't always keep you updated on my life, and this is somewhat easier! I hope you decide to check this out when you can, I will probably put more information up on here than on my youtube account because I do not upload videos too often (lately). I actually made a video last week but youtube won't let me edit it!! I'm so bummed! Anyway, thank you for taking the time out of your day to dip into my life :) I'm glad you did!

xoxo Jessica